Why?

"Why?" will be a regular Duh Alert post about Facebook status updates that make you ask yourself, "Why the hell would you ever say that?" We all have facebook friends, or worse, real friends, that post status updates that make you want to instantly delete them (from facebook and/or your life). I will use the reference title "Someone" to maintain the anonymity of said friends, and hope that no one I ever post about reads this.

This series goes out to my best friend Ellyn.

-----------------------------------------

Two "Why?" posts from today:

Someone: Panera with the parents then off to get ink for my printer

(WHY?)

Someone: I'm so awesome i wore pink bunny ears to class!


Need I say more? Duh.

Are you effing serious?

One of Knoxville's very own:



Your bad, Gordon, you were LIVE. Your bad again, you lost your job.

DUH.

gotta gem for ya

How about this one:


Don't burn your apartment down while cooking fried food at 11:30 PM like my roommate just did. Seems like a giant NO FUCKING DUH to me. Could be wrong, though.

This just in...

Day 2 of working on the blog, and already I have a story about myself.

You know how most things you shouldn't swallow have warnings all over them? Windex, soap, toothpaste... Most of them also have directions on what to do if you get the stuff in your eyes. Flush with water, seek medical help, call the poison people, etc. I discovered today which bath item does NOT have this information - toothpaste.

"No fucking duh," you're probably saying. Why the hell would toothpaste need a warning about getting it in your eye? It goes ON THE TOOTHBRUSH. Well if you're as skilled as I am, all it takes it to nick the bristles with the toothpaste tube to flick a bit into your eye. And let me tell you, it burns like a thousand suns. My first reaction was to cry like a little bitch. No, seriously, I read the tube with my good eye to see wtf I needed to do. And THEN I cried because there was no indication of how blind I was going to be after this incident. I went with the old standby and flushed it out with warm water. No vision issues as of yet, but my left eye feels minty fresh.

Moral of the story: Crest with Scope burns like a mutha.

No Explanation Needed

IDIOT

Doesn't it make you wonder?

Do you ever look at someone and think, "Man. How in the hell have you survived this long?" Case in point, check out this video.

http://www.todaysbigfail.com/view/20100328

I mean...really? Hey, I have a great idea! I'm going to stand on this wobbly fence, and leap to this OTHER fence! OMG IT'LL BE AWESOME!!1!11

No, you crazyass sludge monster scraped from the bottom of the gene pool. It won't be awesome. I take that back. Watching you bust your ass and hopefully cause obscene amounts of internal bleeding will be awesome. Why? Because it's living proof that Darwin hates your dumb ass. Who in their right mind would think leaping from fence-top to fence-top would be a good idea?

And really this is just a sampling of the idiocy that fills this world. We've got crazies running from the police and hiding..where? In a fucking prison. Then we've got Jack jumping candlesticks on a fence. God only knows what's next.

But I guarantee that we @ Duh Alert will be here to poke fun at any moment of retardation that crosses us.

tweets from last night

alexbayless: about to way drunk #obv
danisrose: mistexting already @alexbayless?
jessroyster: @alexbayless correction already way drunk.
alexbayless: GOD DAMMIT
KTAmusic: I'm drnk and rusko's notb on, disspointd am eye
jessroyster: @KTAmusic Oh. My. God. :)
alexbayless: @jessroyster POST THAT SHIT ON #duhalertdotcom
danisrose: @jessroyster think they learned their drunk texting from moi?
jessroyster: @alexbayless your amazing drunkin tweets?
jessroyster: @danisrose duhalert.com
alexbayless: @jessroyster #nofuckingdoi