Why?

"Why?" will be a regular Duh Alert post about Facebook status updates that make you ask yourself, "Why the hell would you ever say that?" We all have facebook friends, or worse, real friends, that post status updates that make you want to instantly delete them (from facebook and/or your life). I will use the reference title "Someone" to maintain the anonymity of said friends, and hope that no one I ever post about reads this.

This series goes out to my best friend Ellyn.

-----------------------------------------

Two "Why?" posts from today:

Someone: Panera with the parents then off to get ink for my printer

(WHY?)

Someone: I'm so awesome i wore pink bunny ears to class!


Need I say more? Duh.

Are you effing serious?

One of Knoxville's very own:



Your bad, Gordon, you were LIVE. Your bad again, you lost your job.

DUH.

gotta gem for ya

How about this one:


Don't burn your apartment down while cooking fried food at 11:30 PM like my roommate just did. Seems like a giant NO FUCKING DUH to me. Could be wrong, though.

This just in...

Day 2 of working on the blog, and already I have a story about myself.

You know how most things you shouldn't swallow have warnings all over them? Windex, soap, toothpaste... Most of them also have directions on what to do if you get the stuff in your eyes. Flush with water, seek medical help, call the poison people, etc. I discovered today which bath item does NOT have this information - toothpaste.

"No fucking duh," you're probably saying. Why the hell would toothpaste need a warning about getting it in your eye? It goes ON THE TOOTHBRUSH. Well if you're as skilled as I am, all it takes it to nick the bristles with the toothpaste tube to flick a bit into your eye. And let me tell you, it burns like a thousand suns. My first reaction was to cry like a little bitch. No, seriously, I read the tube with my good eye to see wtf I needed to do. And THEN I cried because there was no indication of how blind I was going to be after this incident. I went with the old standby and flushed it out with warm water. No vision issues as of yet, but my left eye feels minty fresh.

Moral of the story: Crest with Scope burns like a mutha.

No Explanation Needed

IDIOT

Doesn't it make you wonder?

Do you ever look at someone and think, "Man. How in the hell have you survived this long?" Case in point, check out this video.

http://www.todaysbigfail.com/view/20100328

I mean...really? Hey, I have a great idea! I'm going to stand on this wobbly fence, and leap to this OTHER fence! OMG IT'LL BE AWESOME!!1!11

No, you crazyass sludge monster scraped from the bottom of the gene pool. It won't be awesome. I take that back. Watching you bust your ass and hopefully cause obscene amounts of internal bleeding will be awesome. Why? Because it's living proof that Darwin hates your dumb ass. Who in their right mind would think leaping from fence-top to fence-top would be a good idea?

And really this is just a sampling of the idiocy that fills this world. We've got crazies running from the police and hiding..where? In a fucking prison. Then we've got Jack jumping candlesticks on a fence. God only knows what's next.

But I guarantee that we @ Duh Alert will be here to poke fun at any moment of retardation that crosses us.

tweets from last night

alexbayless: about to way drunk #obv
danisrose: mistexting already @alexbayless?
jessroyster: @alexbayless correction already way drunk.
alexbayless: GOD DAMMIT
KTAmusic: I'm drnk and rusko's notb on, disspointd am eye
jessroyster: @KTAmusic Oh. My. God. :)
alexbayless: @jessroyster POST THAT SHIT ON #duhalertdotcom
danisrose: @jessroyster think they learned their drunk texting from moi?
jessroyster: @alexbayless your amazing drunkin tweets?
jessroyster: @danisrose duhalert.com
alexbayless: @jessroyster #nofuckingdoi

Darwin award.

A lady came into the ER with a broken arm. She was on the verge of tears when she asked, "Am I going to die?"


Now, there are very few ways you can die from a broken arm, all of which are caused by serious trauma to the area. This lady fell in her fucking living room. She wasn't in a car accident or tortured and beaten. She had a wound many of us get as children falling off a bike. Praise Jesus, she lived.

SERIOUSLY?!

Check out this fucking idiot:

FUCKTARD

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a boner?


































I don't have a Ferrari right now.

BIGGEST DUH OF ALL TIME

so ricky martin came out of the closet the other day...

even god never saw it coming.

NOT.

IDIOT

DIS-F'ING-CLAIMER: THIS POST IS DEDICATED TO JOEL OSTEEN, PAT ROBERTSON, THAT OLD SKANK WITH THE FAKE ASS PINK HAIR ON INSPIRATION TV, AND THAT TEMPLE OF DOOM LOOKING MOTHER FUCKER BENNY HINN.


hello.

do you know what a "brand evangelist" is?


ok good.

'cause here's what some girl thought it was today at work: "soooo..........im thinking.....like...................................................kinda like.......................................................evangelist christians? that do like cartwheels and scream hallelujah?"


special thanks to that ^ bitch with 47 chromosomes. and a very special thanks to all you fire and brimstone bible beaters out there (bad rep is way better than no rep, right?).


hail satan.

DUH

So... we're finally here.


This will be a blog about the fucking obvious.. so obvious you don't even recognize. For example:


1.) Oprah's black.


Have you ever watched the series Life? If not, you're a fucking idiot,


Let's get motherfucking serious.


2.) The Ibex are the motherfucking iSex.


3.) Did I stutter?


Next point:


4.)  Chatroulette? (chatroulette.com)


Let's discuss A to the SAP.


--Most people are using a stupid to English translator, so be fucking careful.
--We have never seen so many people jerking off as we have on chat roulette.
--If you want to meet fucks from Canada, be my guest.
--Don't pretend like you know Portuguese- It will ruin you.
--We did meet Santa. There were no reindeer in tow, but we definitely felt good tidings.


Can we fucking help you???
--Yes. You fucking need it.


This blog is brought to you by Miller Lite and Smirnoff Ice. You're fucking welcome.


If you have a motherfucking problem, sound your doy siren promptly. No one will answer because you're an idiot.


We most likely hate you, and it is most likely deserved.


Questions or comments? Fuck you.